You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
