i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
