i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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