Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
