I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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