Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
