cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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