Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
