Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize