your thong is hanging out like whoa
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
