it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
