Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
We need to get me chipped asap
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
