His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
