Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
