I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
