i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize