I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
