I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize