please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
