I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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