Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
