if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
