Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
