oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
