Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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