Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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