Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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