he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
