So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
