Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
we're making bets on your personal life
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize