Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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