I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
