Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
