she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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