when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
this just has baby written all over it
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
