I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
