my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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