Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize