Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
