new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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