I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
