i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
