Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
