I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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