So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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