Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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