3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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