honey bunches of taint.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
