How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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