I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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