i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm sobbing to NWA
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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