I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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