someone threw a dead crab at me
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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