This girl is more easily done than said...
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
