Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
