I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
