I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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