I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
