so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
