I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
