The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
