That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
