We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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