The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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