and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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