I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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