I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
