were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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