after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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