Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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