Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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