I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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