I need help removing her.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
