I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize