just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
