Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
