I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She tied me up with her honor cords...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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