No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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