It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i wish my penis had a tongue
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
