Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
