i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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