Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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