I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
