Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize