Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
