left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
