My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
