Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize