Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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