new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
