the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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