YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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