ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
