these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
