Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My vagina is officially offended.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Randomize
