i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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