dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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