waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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