Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize