i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
and she was petting her beer can
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
