Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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