I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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