He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
