i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
