the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize