it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
