I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize