new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
