Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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