kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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