Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
