He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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