Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Your penis caused this!
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
