An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
